Why Mickey Rourke Named His Dog Loki

Remember The Wrestler? Remember Mickey Rourke’s comeback? Remember how all he talked about was his dogs, especially Loki, a chihuahua? Were you ever bored and thought, “Loki, now that’s a strange name for a dog.” Why would Mickey do that?

It turns out that Loki is in fact, a great name for a dog. Witness:

I highly suggest you read the poem Lokasanna (Poetic Edda), where Loki (a son of Odin that is a trickster, a jackass, a backstabber, and an all around grade-A a-hole) is not invited for a family meal with the other gods. He finds out through a third-party that he’s not invited (he kills the third-party as revenge), and then decides to crash the meal like a true berserk.

Once he enters the hall, he hurls scathing insults at every single Norse god there. He manages to call every male god either a coward, an idiot, a weakling, or a bastard. Not content with that, he calls every female god (including his own mother) a whore, a cheater, a seductress, and a liar. It’s just awkward moment past awkward moment past awkward moment.

Finally, someone says: “Now you see why we didn’t invite you? You always do this, Loki!” At which point, Loki starts a new insult at this person. During the insult, the gods murmur among themselves: “Wait til Thor arrives! He’s going to go crazy when he sees Loki here doing this!” Loki overhears this and starts talking shit about Thor.

And of course, Thor arrives at that precise moment. It takes Thor only a second to size up what’s been going on here.

Thor has had enough of his brother’s crazy, so he drags Loki out, and straps him to a rock with Loki’s own dead son’s entrails (his son was not very nice either; so don’t feel bad for the son nor his entrails), while another god placed a venomous snake above Loki’s head. You know what that snake did?

It dripped poison from its mouth down onto Loki on a daily, continuous, 24-hour basis.

Luckily, Loki had a wife (she must have been a saint) who stayed with him day and night holding a wooden basin so as to collect the venom. But alas, at some point that basin must get full.

And it did.  The basin got full, and she ran out with it to empty it someplace else, leaving Loki all alone.

So the poison finally reached Loki, and he writhed, struggled, and screamed in so much pain that he made the Earth tremble.

The moral of the story:

First, don’t hurl insults UNLESS they’re justified. Hurling insults just for fun leads only to trouble.

Second, don’t walk towards trouble, walk away from it.

Third, know your family. Some will not hesitate to place a venomous snake above you, while you’re strapped naked to a rock in the icy cold waters of Scandinavia.

Did you know that “loco” [“crazy” in Spanish] comes from “Loki?” Exactly.

Did you also know that he shapeshifted into a mare so he could have relations with a horse? Yeah, that’s Loki for you. He also  convinced Thor (Thor of all people! Thor, ok?) to be a cross-dresser at a wedding.

Fun times with Loki, right Mickey?

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